Exclusion Challenges up close. Android users aren't invited just yet.
Who amongst us has ever had that moment where you share your perspective, and someone calls foul. Well, not precisely foul, but instead exclusion. When that happens, we tend to fall back into our safe place of defending our positions. To combat the unease we feel, we come up with many examples to support our stance. How did we get to that place, and what can we do about it?
Unintentional exclusion can creep in at any time. Consider the following seemingly innocent example. Our team has a few members (of the 600,000) who can access the new hot social media application Clubhouse. In a meeting, they mention that Clubhouse is an exciting opportunity for exploration. It is currently available for iPhone users and invitation only. Cue inclusion challenge!
Another colleague immediately questions the exclusivity (invite-only, no access for Android users) of the application. That challenge triggers defense mechanisms in the meeting, leading to a debate on the topic. The data points discussed do not change the other party's stance. How did this seemingly innocent conversation spark a discussion on exclusion?
The aforementioned is one of many examples and challenges around demonstrating authentic, inclusive leadership. These scenarios occur more frequently than not and happen for a reason. Communication breakdowns happen and challenge our thinking, thereby allowing us to grow as inclusive leaders further. The following are approaches to leverage to take the mystery out of unintentional exclusion.
Take a step back
Be present. As Don Miguel Ruiz shares in The Four Agreements, avoid turning the tables to make it a personal attack. Get clear on the other party's perspective and suspend your decision to begin a debate immediately. There may be comfort in playing the participant role but in some cases, becoming an observer is a better option. Take the opportunity to acknowledge that the other party is seen and heard. Active listening and curiosity are skills to employ.
Examine the blahs
Bodies are navigation systems that give us signals when it's time to take a turn. When our bodies give us a malaise signal, we must take notice. Deepak Chopra encourages us to feel what we feel. We must allow ourselves proper time to process the experience. We can also use this opportunity to take a few notes about what went right and what went awry. This processing may happen after the fact, and that's fine. The key is to learn from the blahs and lean into the lessons that you can apply the next time you dally with unintentional exclusion.
Demonstrate your vulnerability by becoming the student
Show up as an inclusive leader by getting curious. A potential response could be, wow, I didn't realize I was promoting exclusion. That was not my intent". Follow up with a question to ask, what makes you feel that way. Again, leaning into curiosity before being quick with a response. In the Harvard Business Review Article, Business Case for Curiosity by Francesca Gino, she states we can think better when curiosity is triggered.
Thank the person that held you accountable
It may not be easy but thank the person that allowed you to become a better inclusive leader. Acknowledge your lessons and thank them for using their voice to provide an educational moment for you. If you are not inclined to address the person in person, consider penning them a note expressing your feelings and gratitude.
Inclusion is a journey. We are imperfect beings, and thus we are bound to bumble and stumble as inclusive leaders. Leadership lessons are everywhere. The next time a challenge occurs around exclusion, consider it a gift to build your inclusive leadership muscles further.
