When Holden Elementary School third grade teacher Garrison Wollam was diagnosed with cancer in October 2019, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to wear the popular “Fuck Cancer” apparel that many people impacted by the disease wear.
Garrison, who is a father of two and entering his 16th year of teaching, knew those shirts wouldn’t be appropriate for his job. Of course he agreed with the sentiment, but he wanted to find something he could actually wear that would be school appropriate.
Garrison has a tenacious sense of humor and finds it easy to make jokes about almost anything — including cancer.
“My wife and I would always say that when things are kinda hard that cancer is dumb and it just kinda stuck,” he said. “Because yeah, cancer is dumb.”
Thus, the “Cancer is Dumb” slogan was born and eventually found its way onto T-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers and even crop tops designed by Garrison’s daughter.
Garrison’s wife Chrissy, who is also a teacher, said that saying “Cancer is Dumb” really helped them encourage each other through the diagnosis and treatment process. Especially with the Wollams being such a young family, she said. Not that anyone ever anticipates a cancer diagnosis, but it came as a real shock to them.
Garrison bought the trademark for Cancer is Dumb, as well as another slogan he developed, “Cancer Skips Leg Day” (a meme reference). His goal is for the designs to be funny, but not crude. Recently, he launched a new, timely design on the site with the slogan “Cancer Voted for Putin.”
Chrissy said she’s been extremely impressed with Garrison throughout the process of developing the Cancer is Dumb merch and setting up the website, which he did on his own.
“We’re teachers,” Chrissy said. “We’re not web designers or marketing experts. He researched websites to help with this kind of platform and set it up. I couldn’t tell you how any of that works. I’m just a hype man.”
Garrison also created the designs solely on his own, with some creative input from his family on elements like color choices.
Prior to his diagnosis, the Wollams would regularly donate to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, but ironically, his cancer — acute lymphoblastic leukemia — is the number one form of cancer in children. That, coupled with the fact that he’s a third grade teacher and a father, pushed him to donate 20% of all proceeds from Cancer is Dumb merchandise to St. Jude’s.
After a month of sales, last month Garrison called St. Jude’s with his third grade class to make their first donation. They were able to give St. Jude’s $68.84, which he said he thinks is a pretty good start.
“I would love to retire early off of the Cancer is Dumb swag, but I know that’s probably not going to happen,” he joked.
In terms of the response to the Cancer is Dumb merch, Garrison hasn’t received any sales from people outside of his immediate circle yet. Most of the orders have been from people he knows or at least traceable to someone he knows. However, he said other teachers at school wear Cancer is Dumb shirts all the time and several people have sent him photos of themselves out and about in Cancer is Dumb apparel, “which is very much appreciated,” he said.
While there’s certainly a financial burden that comes with creating merch, specifically with purchasing the trademarks for the Cancer is Dumb slogans, Garrison said starting the merch line has provided him with a much needed outlet. When he came up with Cancer is Dumb, he felt it had potential.
“I mean the one thing that we can all agree on is that cancer sucks,” he said. “And there’s no one who is untouched by cancer in some way, directly or indirectly. None of us get out of it completely untouched.”
Garrison hopes that starting the Cancer is Dumb line serves as a good example for his students to see him not only pursuing entrepreneurial ventures that may inspire them to do the same one day, but also to see him donating to St. Jude’s and getting to be a part of that.
Chrissy said she thinks starting the Cancer is Dumb line has helped their family not feel so alone as they handled Garrison’s diagnosis.
“Even two and a half years after the diagnosis, it’s just really nice to see people still showing support,” she said. “We live it everyday, but until it’s in your house or in your family, it’s a whole different experience.”
Chrissy said she also thinks working on the Cancer is Dumb merch has given Garrison a newfound purpose.
“Our jobs are very purposeful as educators, but I think in some ways it’s kind of like, ‘Well this happened to me and it was really dumb luck, but at least I’m doing something with it. I’m spreading awareness,’” she said. “And for me, it’s just really nice to feel the support.”
Oftentimes, when someone is diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment, friends or family members will set up a GoFundMe to help support the person and their family. Chrissy said people wearing things like the Cancer is Dumb merch is another great way to show support for those who need it.
From the start, Garrison’s mission was to create humorous apparel for people to wear to support cancer patients. Looking forward, he plans to add more funny slogans to the Cancer is Dumb line and eventually trademark them so he exclusively owns the rights.
“I literally own the phrase ‘Cancer is Dumb,’” he said. “It sounds ridiculous coming out of my mouth. It’s a dumb saying, but it also kept things light when they were really heavy.”
Chrissy said Garrison’s oncologist called him “hardy” because of the intensity and length of treatment he’s undergone, and “I think that’s a great word to describe Garrison,” Chrissy said.
“His resilience in all of this has been amazing,” she said. “Over 100 chemo infusions and lumbar punctures and bone marrow biopsies, and he’s working full time and he’s a dad and he’s coaching. It’s just really miraculous. And all of a sudden, [he] also wants to be an entrepreneur and do this clothing line. I’m just astounded by his willingness to still do these things.”
To support Cancer is Dumb, check out its website to view the full catalog of merch and keep up with the line on Instagram.
Maria McGinnis is a contributing writer for The Portager.