The Very Best Way To Receive Gratitude

by Chester Elton

As a kid, whenever anyone gave me a compliment, I thought the humble thing to do was to deflect and give credit to someone else or the team.

If someone said, “Chester you really had a great game tonight. That last shot was awesome.” I would respond by saying something like: “It was a lucky shot and the whole team deserves credit. I am just one player on the floor. It takes a team to win.”

I felt so humble and gracious by my response. I thought I was such a team player. I was a knucklehead.

My friend Marshall Goldsmith taught me an important lesson about accepting compliments. A compliment is a gift, he said, and when someone gives you a gift the only appropriate response is “Thank you.”

When you deflect and do that faux-humility thing, it diminishes the gift and three things happen:

You ruin the gift.

You insult the giver.

You don’t get any more gifts.

You ruin the gift because you are telling other people that you don’t deserve the gift, that what you did isn’t of value. You offend the giver because you are, in effect, saying they don’t really understand what happened (they are a little dense).

And after those two mistakes, is it any wonder that people stop giving you gifts? If I gave you a carefully wrapped gift and you just tossed it aside as worthless, how eager would I be to give you another gift? Not very.

The remedy is simple. Learn to say thank you. And, if you can, do it with a smile and a little enthusiasm. Even adding a little something personal such as” “Thank you so much. That means the world to me that you would take the time to share that.”

Another friend, Richard Sheinuas, has a wonderful way of making me feel great whenever we get together. After I ask about his family, he often says, “Thank you so much for asking. That is so kind.” It is such a terrific response, and it makes me feel great and I often think to myself, “I am kind.” I know that might sound funny, but it goes to show you that a gift well received comes back to us. The ripple effect of a thank you is a wonderful side benefit.

Next time someone gives you the gift of a compliment, please try this out. Don’t deflect or go into your humble “aw shucks” routine. Look the person in the eye and with a kind smile say, “Thank You.”

Three great things will happen.

1. You will value the gift more.
2. The giver will feel more valued.
3. You will get more gifts.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Thank you for reading the Gratitude Journal. I hope this idea brightened your day just a little. If you think it can make someone else’s day a little better, please forward it on to them too.

Love and gratitude,

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ANXIETY AT WORK PODCAST

My co-author and dear friend, Adrian Gostick, and I are fortunate to talk to some of the world’s leading authorities on mental health and explore the causes of workplace stress and anxiety, along with practices that are proven to reduce tension and cultivate calm. 

In this episode of "Anxiety at Work", we spoke to Justin Zorn and Leigh Marz who take us on an unlikely journey—from the West Wing of the White House to San Quentin’s death row; from Ivy League brain research laboratories to underground psychedelic circles; from the temperate rainforests of Olympic National Park to the main stage at a heavy metal festival—to explore the meaning of silence and the art of finding it in any situation. Download this fascinating episode to take with you on your next walk.

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Silence isn’t just the absence of noise. It’s a presence that brings us energy, clarity, and deeper connection.

Justin Zorn and Leigh Marz take us on an unlikely journey—from the West Wing of the White House to San Quentin’s death row; from Ivy League brain research laboratories to underground psychedelic circles; from the temperate rainforests of Olympic National Park to the main stage at a heavy metal festival—to explore the meaning of silence and the art of finding it in any situation.

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